Such anger has invaded our home. Tumors prove resistant to chemo so now pills only give hope of slowing the spread through organ and bone. Words designed to hurt over percieved slights cut so, so deep. Jagged tears wept by his side illict no pity. So I did what I do best and ran. For four days I lived my life as it had been before the awareness of his dying. I slept in my own bed and held my love and spoke with my friends and walked along rivers and streets that I chose over a decade ago and the pull of what my life had been was so powerful. The only way I get it back is when my father dies and that is a high cost indeed. So I return. And remove myself from day to day goings on to avoid the possibility of flaying words and his pain and in doing so spend my father's remaining days in the same house but not with him. I must be stronger and better than I ever thought I could be. He will not die alone.
1. Sunday was spent lazily reading papers and walking along rivers hand in hand with my love.
2. This weekend I attend an old friends wedding and catch up with people I have not seen for months.
3. After a head to toe massage I had afternoon tea in a lovely tea room with a friend I had not seen enough of lately.
4. Dad's tumors are chemo resistant so now there's no hope of stabilising him, only making him comfortable as his cancers slowly kills him.
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